


Hungover

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Psych
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-18
Updated: 2006-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 05:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1634741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a gun related incident, Carlton gets stuck with babysitting duty, kind of. Alcohol, handcuffs and flowers are involved with the healing process (Mild Slash)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hungover

**Author's Note:**

> Aithine, I couldn't work out which pairing to do, so I did both.   
>  And thanks go out to Terry, who kept me amused with Doctor Who, whilst I added the finishing touches
> 
> Written for Aithine

 

 

Oh dear sweet merciful lord, Carlton Lassiter's head hurt. He made the mistake of opening his eyes; the dull sunlight streaming in made him wince in pain. He closed them again, but the damage was done, he was awake.

He moved to sit up and felt his stomach lurch. Crap. He struggled with the bed covers and landed on the   
floor with an oomph. It was then, sitting with the sheets tangled around him and surrounded by flower petals, that he heard it. Somewhere in his house someone was singing, badly. His unco-operative stomach was ignored as he stood up. He grabbed his nearest gun, glock - bedside drawer, and made his way out of the bedroom.

He'd made it to the edge of the stairs when realisation dawned. Not only was there someone singing somewhere, he'd just left a naked man tied up in his bed. That couldn't be right. His hangover was playing tricks on him.

He ventured back to his bedroom, and peeked in. He could see a lump curled under what sheets he had left on the bed, one hand poking out. Double crap, the lone hand was handcuffed to the bedhead. Shit. What the hell had he done last night, and more importantly whom had he done it with.

Carlton closed the door and backed away quietly. First he was going to find whoever was singing, and quiet possibly kill them, and then he was going to do what any responsible police officer would do, he was going to run away.

It was testament to how hungover he was that the flowers strewn across his bedroom, and his hallway, and his stair well, Christ they were everywhere, didn't even get a rating on his weird shit o'meter.

***

"I'm getting an image, it's strong. Oh, uh, uh, it's to do with a necklace."

Carlton glared, "Of course it's to do with a necklace, reading the case file doesn't make one psychic."

The case had been following the usual pattern, Shaun's interest had been piqued when he had ~~been eavesdropping~~ overheard the chief discussing the case and learnt it involved the matriarch of the Colsons, an influential family whose daughter had turned him down in the second grade. Gus, who could have spent his time, in his words; 'oh I don't know working, at my REAL job', acquiesced fairly quickly once Shaun mentioned the necklace was a priceless heirloom made in the Elizabethan era. Gus had been spending his free time watching the History channel's marathon on the _'life and times of Elizabethan nobles'_ , Shaun had been dragged to three different museums this week, it was only fair.

Now he was going to do his big finale, he'd solve the case, add another commendation to his list, and then, this was   
the really good part, Shaun was quiet proud of it. He was going to get an ice cream. Oh it was going to be goood, good with a capital 'Gah', waffle cones and hot fudge were going to be involved. That was the plan it was perfect. Then Mrs Colson had pulled a gun, and it all went to shit.

Shaun's last words as the bullet sped towards him were "Oh crap."

Then there was a lot of screaming, mostly from Gus, a lot of swearing, mostly Shaun, and a surprisingly small amount of blood. Juliet applied pressure, using Gus's shirt as a bandage, there had been an argument over that, the shirt was expensive, and why couldn't they use Shaun's, his was already covered in blood. Juliet had huffed in exasperation and Gus found himself handing over the shirt and holding Shaun's, thankfully blood free, hand. Thankfully the wound was small, it had only nicked the side of Shaun's arm.

Carlton ignored the chaos that was building, mostly around the screaming Gus; he had a job to do. His gun was trained on Mrs Colson, and he was fighting an internal battle over whether he wanted to shoot the bitch or congratulate her.

"O'Hara arrest this woman."

Juliet swore under her breath, "I am slightly busy over here you know."

"Is he dying?" Carlton didn't give time for a response "No? Then leave him and arrest her." Seeing her hesitate he had a slight stab of pity, "Look, once she's in cuffs I'll take them to the hospital."

Juliet grabbed Gus and shoved his hands on the wound, "Just keep on pressing down" she instructed, deliberately ignoring the queasy look on Gus's face.

She walked over to Mrs Colson and snapped the cuffs on, "Done, you can go now. Just, just call me when you get there." It wasn't until after she had finished reading the matriarch's rights that Juliet realised that Carlton had just driven away with her means of getting back. Sighing, she radioed for a patrol car.

Carlton didn't feel bad about speeding off, O'Hara need the experience, and letting her make the arrest meant she had to fill in most of the paperwork, not that he would ever skimp on paperwork, it was the careful documentation that closed cases. He just had more important things to worry about. Like getting Shaun to shut up, Sweet Mary, you'd think getting shot would quiet a person down.

"For the last time, no. The siren is for emergencies only."

Shaun slunk down his in his seat, and then slunked back up when it made his arm ached. "Juliet would have turned the   
siren on."

"Officer O'Hara is not driving."

Gus, who'd been trying not to be sick, despite his long relationship with Shaun, blood still made him queasy, spoke,

"Technically it is an emergency, Shaun did get shot."

Carlton gripped the steering wheel, he was crazy, no one could like these two, let alone fantasize abut being in a relationship with them, well he wouldn't make the same mistake twice, next time he'd take the paperwork, maybe.

Later, waiting in the e.r, listening to Gus and Shaun compare battle wounds, and insisting that yes, he really did want to keep his shirt on, and that he was perfectly fine not showing his scars, really perfectly fine, for the last time no, he would shoot someone, paperwork be damned, if they didn't stop trying to undress him, Carlton realised that he had left O'Hara with no way to get her and the perp back to the Station. But that was okay, he reasoned, she had her radio on her, she'd be fine. Who was he kidding, he had left his partner so he could play at being a glorified babysitter, he was screwed, and he deserved it.

Gus poked Shaun, gently mind you, "Lassiter's leaving," he whispered.

Shaun jumped, and then winced, "Ow." He glared at Gus, "Then stop him."

Gus leaned back on his chair, almost falling off in his attempt to see what Lassiter was doing, "It's okay he's only calling someone."

"Who is he calling? Anyone interesting? I"

"Shaun! I am not spying on Lassiter."

"Well I can't."

"Neither of you will be doing anything." Carlton said.

Gus and Shaun jumped, neither had noticed him re-enter the room, the man was a damn ghost, Shaun recovered well, "Hey Carly, didn't see you there how went the phone call with the chief?"

"How did you, actually I don't care how you knew, all that matters is that I'm stuck looking after you two."

Gus looked exasperated, "Shaun if you already knew who he was talking to then why" Lassiter's final words filtered in "Wait, what do you mean 'you two'?"

Carlton scowled, "Exactly what it sounds like I meant. According to the chief you two are a package deal. Now if we are done discussing things will everyone get in the car so we can leave."

Shaun was already at the door when Gus asked; "Don't you think we should at least wait for a doctor to see Shaun before we leave?"

***

In hindsight letting the guy who'd just been shot have a drink wasn't the world's greatest idea. Letting the guy who'd just been shot have another drink, again probably wasn't a smart move. The next eight drinks probably weren't good ideas either. Right now Carlton didn't really care, his brain was pleasantly fuzzy and he had Guinness.

Besides it wasn't his fault that they were all drunk, he was tricked.

"Okay it's this left here, no, the other left"

"Where-" Gus was kicked in the shins, "OW! Shaun!" Shaun gave a pointed look, which Gus ignored as he rubbed his leg. Idiotic injured friends, and where the hell were they going anyway?

"Okay, we're nearly here, you can park now."

Carlton kept on driving, "You do not live in the main street."

Shaun rolled his eyes, "Well duh, I do, however, have to grab something before we go home."

"WE?" Gus was kicked in the shins again.

Carlton pulled over, "What is it you need?"

Undoing his seatbelt, Shaun replied, "It's cool, Gus and I can get it."

Carlton glared. "You two will stay here, I will get it."

"Okay" Pointing to the bar a couple of shops down, Shaun gave the instructions. Carlton was to go into the bar and ask for Mike. Mike had the thing. Fairly simple, Carlton would be in and out in less than two minutes. Or would have been if Shaun and Gus had stayed put, and not followed him into the bar, and started drinking. That, though, was only a minor mishap. Carlton could still have gotten them all out in less than three and a half minutes, if Mike hadn't handed him a beer. It was Guinness, real Guinness, he hadn't had it in so long, and he highly doubted he could stop Shaun and Gus from finishing their drinks, so one beer wouldn't hurt.

It was the next several drinks that made his getaway plan fail miserably.

Trying to maintain a facade of sobriety he walked over to the bar, "One Guinness please." It only occurred to him once he was back at the table that the idiot twins were taking an awful long time in the toilet.

***

"Shaun this is a bad idea, a really bad idea. The worst idea, even. I don't think it's possible for you to think up anything worse. Ever."

Shaun perked up, "The worst. Really? So does that mean you're finally over tha-"

Gus shoved a hand over Shaun's mouth, "Be quiet."

'Mmmph' Shaun licked Gus's palm, Gus yelped and removed his hand.

"Gus, really? Who is going to hear me, we're in a toilet cubicle."

"Yes, and can I ask why we're in a cubicle, cause nothing you've said tonight has actually made any sense."

Shaun raised an eyebrow, something Gus couldn't do, so Shaun used the skill as often as the situation called for it, thirty times in an hour was his current record. "It's all made perfect sense."

"No. It's crazy talk. I thought we agreed never to sleep with cops. You remember last time right, the time when I nearly got arrested for prostitution?"

Shaun rolled his eyes, "Of course I remember, and I also I have a prediction about tonight-" He checked Gus's watch, "this morning."

There was a sigh. "You're not really psychic Shaun."

"If you don't believe you wont receive."

"That's Santa Clause, and you're not him either."

"That's not the issue. I have a nicely drunken Irish cop waiting for us and I'm starting to think that you don't want to share in my present. And that makes me sad."

"Shaun..."

Shaun undid the lock on the toilet stall. "Okay, let's go get another shot, and bag us a cop." He paused for a moment, then continued, "Hey Gus, reckon he'll let me use his handcuffs?"

Gus frowned, and then tripped as the world spun a little, he could do this. He just needed another shot, or three.

***

Shaun sang, badly, very badly. As Carlton tried to unlock his front door, Shaun sang. He'd started singing when they exited the pub, continued singing when they had stopped at McDonald's for fries, and had no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

"Hah" Carlton had managed to unlock the door, he was the key master. He stumbled inside. No one followed him. He walked back outside to look for his two charges. Shaun was on top of his brick mail box crooning love songs, and Gus, Gus was nowhere to be seen.

"He's in the bushes."

Carlton looked at Shaun, slightly grateful that the music had stopped, "What?"

Shaun jumped down from his impromptu stage, "Gus is in the bushes." When Carlton didn't respond, he elaborated, "He's collecting flowers."

Carlton pulled the flower that had been resting in his button hole out, Gus had placed it there earlier in the night, "Didn't he get enough on the walk home?"

"Apparently not."

At that moment Gus came running around the corner, carrying as many flowers as he could hold, he rushed past the two and into the house. Shaun ran in after him, if his best friend was running, chances were that he was in trouble, better chances were that Shaun had caused it, Carlton ran as well, first thing you learnt in the academy, if someone was running, there was generally a damn good reason.

Once inside, Carlton locked the door. Right, bedtime, dragging Shaun out of his hallway closet, "But I'm looking for Narnia", and Gus away from his kitchen, "I need some vases or else they'll die", he manhandled the two into his bedroom.

He manoeuvred them onto his bed, and then turned away to find two pairs of handcuffs. He knew he had one pair attached to his belt, but where was his second pair? He ignored the rustling on the bed; as long as they stayed there he didn't care. "Yes!" the second pair was at the back of his sock drawer. He turned back to the bed, Sweet Christ, they were naked.   
"Will you two put some pants on." Carlton grabbed Shaun's uninjured arm, and handcuffed it to one side of his bed.

"Oooh Lassi."

Carlton rolled his eyes, he grabbed Gus's arm and handcuffed it to the other side of the bed. "It's nothing sexual Spencer, once you are both contained I can sleep easy." He yawned, and crawled over the now passed out Gus to check Shaun was secured. He yawned again, he rested his head on Shaun's chest, he'd just close his eyes for a little bit.

Shaun jangled his arm; great everyone was asleep bar him. He pulled himself up, he hadn't wanted to spoil Lasiter's fun, but seeing as he was snoring lightly on his chest, he figured he could break himself out now.

***

As Carlton made his way silently down the stairs, the singing got louder and more off key. Oh God, remnants of last night were coming back, he was suddenly grateful for the fact that he was fully clothed, even if the outfit stank of beer and cigarettes.

He paused at the bottom of the stairwell, that song sounded familiar. Oh God, he remembered.

"SPENCER."

Carlton stormed into the kitchen; the damned man was making waffles. Shaun paused in his singing, but continued to spoon the waffle mixture into the waffle-maker.

"Good Morning Sunshine."

Carlton glared. He didn't ask the obvious question, he was trained better than that, he knew what Spencer was doing, he was making damned waffles, hey "Get away from my coffee maker" Shaun had leaned over and grabbed the freshly brewed pot of coffee. "And while you're at it, get out of my house!"

"So that's a no to coffee then?"

Carlton gestured to the door, "Get Out."

Shaun, stood up, "Fine, if that's how you really feel." Carlton relaxed. That was easier than he'd thought it would be, he started to sip from his mug of newly poured coffee when he realised what kicking Shaun out meant. He didn't hear it smash as he ran out the door after him.

"Spencer!"

Shaun stopped at the mailbox, oh god, more memories. He turned and waited for Carlton to catch up, "I knew you didn't really want me to leave."

"Oh I want you gone" he marched Shaun back into the townhouse, "But I want your friend gone as well."

Thirty seconds they both ran out, acrid black smoke following them, the kitchen was on fire. The waffle maker combined with the open door, a strong breeze and an errant tea-towel, had started a small blaze. They had made it to the mailbox, again, when they stopped, looked at each other and ran back into the house.

They stormed into the bedroom to find Gus, sheet draped around his shoulders, phone in hand, and searching the floor for his pants. He looked up at them, and clutched his sheet. "What?"

Shaun and Carlton exchanged looks, in unison they leaned forward and grabbed an arm each, Gus clutched his sheet tighter. They dragged him down the stairs, and outside.

As they sat on the lawn waiting for the firemen to arrive, one of them naked, all of them smelling like booze and cigarettes, with the knowledge that along with the fire trucks, half the squad would be along to laugh and point their fingers, and all of them very hungover, Carlton reflected that it could be worse. Spencer could actually be psychic and know that he just wanted to kiss the two boys and revel in their life.

Shaun kissed Carlton on the nose, then kissed Gus on the cheek, he moved himself around trying to get comfortable, he settled his head on Carlton's lap, with one had holding on to Gus's, before speaking, "It could be much worse...There could be snakes."

FINIS

EPILOGUE

Shaun sat in the newly refurbished kitchen, watching Gus make the tea, since what was now referred to as _The Incident,_ Shaun was only allowed to supervise.

"Has anyone seen my handcuffs?" Carlton called out as he walked into the kitchen.

"Nope." Gus replied.

"Not since we locked you up when you kept switching channels the other night."

Carlton nodded his head, he walked out of the room, and then back in a moment later carrying the, now found, handcuffs. He sat down next to Shaun, leaving a seat between them for Gus to fill.

Playing with the handcuffs, Carlton recalled something that had been bugging him for a while; "How did you two escape the handcuffs on the night of the fire?"

Shaun and Gus exchanged looks; it was Gus who spoke first. "Well, Mr Spencer insisted that as we got ourselves into the situation, we'd have to get ourselves out of it.

"Cops and Robbers were a lot more fun with real handcuffs though." Shaun added. He gave a wicked smile, then said. "The keys on the bedside may have helped a little."

FINIS (For real this time)

 

 

 


End file.
